Aries – Mar 21 – Apr 19
And it burns, burns, burns… You should have that checked out at Health and Wellness Services.
Taurus – Apr 20 – May 20
It’s not just a rock. It’s not just land. It’s who we are. Foster that connection, and you will understand.
Gemini – May 21 – Jun 20
Why don’t you want to talk about it? This way, it’s not real; you don’t have to face it.
Cancer – Jun 21 – July 22
You always think that you’re going to have more time; then you realize you won’t.
Leo – July 23 – Aug 22
The fire is sort of burning itself out now. Don’t let it go out, stoke it, so that it will grow to what it once was.
Virgo – Aug 23 – Sep 22
The whole damn world is about to catch fire and not in a Katniss Everdeen box office sort of way.
Libra – Sep 23 – Oct 22
You knew it was wrong and you did it anyways. Don’t you understand the consequences? You can’t just walk away this time.
Scorpio – Oct 23 – Nov 21
The world needs oil – cheap oil and clean oil. When is the cost too high? What could be more important than our children?
Sagittarius – Nov 22 – Dec 21
There are always fires to put out down here. Today is a good day for you to go back to work.
Capricorn – Dec 22 – Jan 19
Don’t give up. It’s like going to Disneyland – not exactly the happiest place on Earth but close.
Aquarius – Jan 20 – Feb 18
A little self-deprecation can go a long way. What are you going to do?
Pisces – Feb 19 – Mar 20
You have been so patient. You did all you could. You’re a good student.
Horrorscope is a parody meant for entertainment only proving that the universe doesn’t revolve around you. “The Globe” denies any resemblance to anything living or dead. Just like shooting womp rats in Beggar’s Canyon back home.