Aries – Mar 21 – Apr 19 Swift advocates the eating of poor children as a way to combat poverty. It’s supposed to taste like chicken.
Taurus – Apr 20 – May 20 This is God’s country, declared so by a prophet, even if you wouldn’t know it from the way that people treat it. Do what you can…
Gemini – May 21 – Jun 20 It is really just one problem you have to solve. Then you’ve got fair wind and flat water.
Cancer – Jun 21 – July 22 You know the difference between flotsam and jetsam? Some people get washed up on shore; some bob around at sea forever.
Leo – July 23 – Aug 22 If this has been anything more than a nightmare, why?
Virgo – Aug 23 – Sep 22 It’s usually after a storm when anything’s washed up on the beach. Looking a gift horse in the mouth may be prudent this one time.
Libra – Sep 23 – Oct 22 Is this some kind of joke? It’s time to put an end to this once and for all.
Scorpio – Oct 23 – Nov 21 Something did come back from the sea. Sooner or later, everything does.
Sagittarius – Nov 22 – Dec 21 Mene, Mene, Tekel, Upharsin – you have got to read the writing on the wall.
Capricorn – Dec 22 – Jan 19 New York is just like the best thing ever, huh? If you don’t know, you should go there – at least until a wind blows the foul air out of town.
Aquarius – Jan 20 – Feb 18 What kind of fog moves against the wind? The political kind that moves against the wind of change. Don’t be in that fog of ignorance.
Pisces – Feb 19 – Mar 20 Something’s happening, isn’t it? Blood for blood shouldn’t be your cry at this time.
Horrorscope is a parody meant for entertainment only proving that the universe doesn’t revolve around you. “The Globe” denies any resemblance to anything living or dead. Macking on a ghost may be the only chance to save the town from the smog – just choose the right ghost.