Aries – Mar 21 – Apr 19 What are you doing? Stand up and take care of yourself. Let the past and the disappointments go.
Taurus – Apr 20 – May 20 What are you going on about? Everything isn’t a sin. Start trying to be a whole person.
Gemini – May 21 – Jun 20 Soon, all we will have is each other, and that could be enough if you will let us have room enough, air enough and peace enough to let us love each other.
Cancer – Jun 21 – July 22 You’ve sprung a leak of some sort. You’re going to want to plug it up and then get some help.
Leo – July 23 – Aug 22 Pimples are the Lord’s way of chastising you.
Virgo – Aug 23 – Sep 22 Maybe this was a mistake. It’s not going to be that bad. Take it easy.
Libra – Sep 23 – Oct 22 What are you going to leave for us? You people with big cars spewing pollution into the air. You people with heavy feet trampling down the wilderness.
Scorpio – Oct 23 – Nov 21 Tonight is the night to wash your dirty pillows with the rest of the laundry.
Sagittarius – Nov 22 – Dec 21 Look at that. No Ruffles at all. No Doritos or Flamin’ Hot Cheetos either. You really have made a step toward eating healthier.
Capricorn – Dec 22 – Jan 19 The more it’s real, the more it’s right.
Aquarius – Jan 20 – Feb 18 They are all going to laugh at you, but that is okay. At least they are laughing, and laughter makes the world better.
Pisces – Feb 19 – Mar 20 Some people might say that you must renounce this power. You must give it up. You must never use it. However, that would be taking a part of you away. With great power comes great responsibility. Use it right.
Horrorscope is a parody meant for entertainment only proving that the universe doesn’t revolve around you. “The Globe” denies any resemblance to anything living, dead or undead. There’ll be peace when you are done.