Aries – Mar 21 – Apr 19 There is something to be said about defiance. There’s a nobility to it, and there’s a price to pay.
Taurus – Apr 20 – May 20 That plan of yours is never going to work. What you need is cage traps.
Gemini – May 21 – Jun 20 Is everything okay? You’ve been very quiet lately. People have noticed. Health and Wellness has some counselors you can talk to.
Cancer – Jun 21 – July 22 We all have a point when we can do the unimaginable.
Leo – July 23 – Aug 22 Hell is waking up every day believing that the suffering you’re doing in life has meaning, that if somehow you endure it, you gain valuable lessons. The truth is sometimes you just suffer. There is no meaning.
Virgo – Aug 23 – Sep 22 Today’s your lucky day. Get the party started. We’ll all be at peace tomorrow.
Libra – Sep 23 – Oct 22 You’re such a drama queen. You look great.
Scorpio – Oct 23 – Nov 21 You will have a new perspective on life. No one will ever look at you the same again. You will forever be changed.
Sagittarius – Nov 22 – Dec 21 What you fail to understand with reason, you will with wrath.
Capricorn – Dec 22 – Jan 19 You will not be afraid. When the time comes, you will not be afraid.
Aquarius – Jan 20 – Feb 18 It’s time. You know what to do. Bring some justice to the world.
Pisces – Feb 19 – Mar 20 Red meat is for those who don’t care how they look.
Horrorscope is a parody meant for entertainment only proving that the universe doesn’t revolve around you. “The Globe” denies any resemblance to anything living or dead. This is a test. This is only a test.