Here’s a scoop for you, Ms. Editor-in-Chief. I found this list of new classes on the photocopier in Printing Services. The best part is that it’s already 600 words long, which should satisfy the length requirement for the story I was supposed to write this week. Serendipity! I’m gonna go ahead and submit it as-is, because – as you can see from the title – it’s way legit. No need to fact-check. I’m gonna go play disc golf. Have a great weekend!
Ultra-Official, Supremely Credible List of New Classes for 2015-16 Academic Year
ART 1111 Everything is Art (a/k/a You Can Do It!)
Who doesn’t think they are creative? Right. Ask anyone and they will tell you they are a budding talent. Their parents tell them that all the time. So, through blind encouragement and the philosophy that participation = win. Students will emerge with the confidence to charge exorbitant sums for their work. Projects include leaving a plate of crayons out in the sun all day, photocopier self-portrait series, casting a nude model in carbonite. Required materials: Beret, pencil thin mustache, delusion, and carbonite.
GRP 1010 Fingerless Gloves: Theory and Practice
Students will unlock the mysteries of the gloves where your hand goes in…but also comes out the other end. Required materials: Three pairs of fingerless gloves–One plain, one with skulls, and the other with fake spikes.
PHYS 990 YouTube Science Tricks…and Crap
For students who appreciate the upshot of science, but not all of the laws and theories and crap. Over the course of the semester, students will watch scores of YouTube videos where people with a real interest in science amuse them with tricks demonstrating the aforementioned laws, theories and/or crap. The final project will consist of forwarding links to said videos to everyone in their address book. This counts for physical science credit. Offered Fridays only.
FILM 10101010 Film Studies for the General Studies Student Who Doesn’t Really Want to Study Film But Nonetheless Wants to Claim They Are Film Students
Man, have you ever signed up for an Intro to Film class and thought, Buh?! Who the hell is Billy Wilder? Black and white?! That’s so old school. German expressionism isn’t Mike Myers doing Dieter on Saturday Night Live? Film noir? More like film snoire! Koyaanis—huh? Well, this class is for you. It’s all Madea, comic book movies, rom-coms and Vin Diesel, and you don’t have to write a gosh darn word about any of them – you just check a box that says “It Sucks” or “It Doesn’t (Suck).” All tests will be called quizzes and will be administered on Laffy Taffy wrappers. (Psssst! The answers are printed upside down at the bottom. You’re welcome.)
MATH 2112 The Mathematics of Rush
Math is hard. They make us take math. Wouldn’t it be sweet if they could make math relay-table to the cool kids? You know, how sometimes on a sitcom they will teach a jock how to do math things with football jargon? They should try that with the music of Rush. ‘Cause some of that sh—I mean, stuff is really hard to play. All that talk about beats and measures and freakin’ fractions is just like math. But I will bet you can probably use that to teach us math, SLCC. Also, maybe you can get Neil Peart (drummer from Rush) to be a guest speaker. Oh, can I be a T.A.? (You don’t have to add this to the catalog. It’s just a suggestion. I had to submit one for my COMM 990 class.)
BRD 1010 Focus on Focaccia
In this eight credit hour class, SLCC film instructor Channing Lowe will share his recipe for focaccia bread. If there is time, he will get into chili. The projects include bread, and possibly chili. No promises. Offered Sundays at Lowe Campus. Additional facilities and supplies fee of $250.