Dear Dick,
My dear friend, Mr. D as I fondly term you within my mind, I would like to open this letter to you with a movie quote which you might be familiar with:
“I am not an owl!”
Out of context, and being unfamiliar with the movie itself, this might seem random. But knowing that it involves being an unwilling intermediary between two non-speaking parties should suffice as an explanation.
So saying, I hope that you are willing to take my constructive criticism as what it is—constructive.
Mr. D, the wonders of technology are awe-inspiring. They allow us to span continents and time zones in order to speak with one another. But, sadly, the side effect is that personal interaction gets cut off and laziness increases, as well as a desire to avoid uncomfortable relations.
Case in point: asking me through a text message to ask someone else near me to do something for you is rude. Whether that be a request to carpool to an event or if you want to borrow something, the result is still the same.
My instructions in these situations are simple: ask the person yourself.
Not being the possessor of a vehicle, nor the owner of the item in question, I wouldn’t know if it was permissible to offer that ride or that object. I don’t own that shirt, costume, sewing machine or cup of sugar.
Therefore your best bet is honestly just to ask the person on your own. And if you haven’t the means of conversing with that person, then I am more than willing to provide the link (phone number, email address, etc.). That much I am willing to offer.
How can it make you happy knowing the guilt that I feel of putting someone else in the position of having to provide me with a yes or a no answer that is not even for me? Where they make their decision knowing that I may become the recipient of a negative backlash, simply for sharing their response? And what of the guilt that I feel at having to tell you no, through text no less, because someone else other than me has made that decision?
Dear Mr. D, this has to stop. Please cease your uncivil behavior, and remove me from the middle.
To quote Hermione from the “Harry Potter” films a second time, “I am not an owl.”
I am not a courier or UPS nor even the United States Postal Service, either. My name is not Circket or T-Mobile or even AT&T. Therefore I will not give you free minutes in order for you to talk to MY friends and family.
Unless you are willing to pay the fine required for such a long-distance transmission. Which just might involve me breaking your phone.
Sincerely,
M. Bennett
