Dear Mom,
This might sound dumb but I am looking for a girl friend. It’s one of those tricky things I haven’t been able to manage since the time I was 10 and my girlfriend, Carly, liked me because we both liked baseball. I have tried to meet girls, but the connection never happens. I have been told from my guy friends to keep trying; that girls are picky about whom they will go out with and that unless I stand out in some way, the girl will probably not even take a second look at me. Is this true? And if so, what can I do to stand out from the guy crowd?
Sincerely,
Invisible
Dear Invisible,
Take it from me; there are some tricks of the trade to get a girl, but the lasting ones never involve any sort of manipulation. Let me explain what I mean.
If you are talking to a girl and lying about your hobbies to get her attention, and she seems to connect with you for this reason, the day will come that she will find out the lie and may choose not to talk to you anymore.
Most girls I know of who want a great guy in their lives, want a guy who is honest. If the guy is cute and somewhat respectable, but lies through his teeth just to get her, she will soon see through the lie like a laser. Better to be truthful up front; tell her your likes and dislikes, and if you connect, great.
If not, move on if you need to. The interesting thing about connecting to another person is that they won’t always care that you have different interests, just that you are open minded enough to do what they like to do on occasion. You may find someone who doesn’t like baseball but will go to a game because you like it. In return, you go to that rock concert that you have no interest in but she does.
Be yourself. This is hard to do when you feel as if you need to make a good impression and don’t want to look like an idiot. Some of the best dates I have been on, the guys weren’t trying to show off in his speech or with his new car—even if it was great. He was upfront with me. If I decided to go out with him and he was nervous, he would say so, thus clearing the air for both of us to be honest and have a good time. He wouldn’t compliment his car as if it was a real person and expect me to make some nice comment about it. He wouldn’t brag about his muscles or his hot skills in football.
But he would show up for the date on time and pick me up at the door instead of honking the car horn. I know, this bit of advice may seem dated to you, but ask any girl if they’d rather be picked up at the door or honked at to come out for the date and then get back to me if she chooses honking over door knocking. (I’d like to hear the reasoning for that). From my experience, old-fashioned respect is highly favored over some honk of the horn.
But now I’m getting ahead of myself…
You were asking about getting a girlfriend. Be honest. Be yourself. Listen.
Girls like to talk. Guys should learn to listen. Not to fix the problem the girl shares, but to listen to her and show by listening that they care about what she is saying. Sure, the girl should listen too, but guys, well, they have a tendency to want to fix things the girl is saying about life instead of listening to how she is feeling. Or they are thinking about the upcoming game or something else and she finds out that he hasn’t heard a word.
Be creative. In order to have a girlfriend, you first have to go on a date. Make sure that you think of her before yourself when planning dates. Ask what she’d like to do, and make sure you know her interests so that you can surprise her on occasion.
Don’t push the issue. If the girl likes you she will let you know it. That she will want to date you at all is a good sign that she likes you. That she laughs with you and can’t wait for the next time you’re together is another. But if you don’t get that, if you get instead some sort of quiet shoulder or “I don’t know” when you ask her out or want to take her out again, it might be time to move on.
In the end, having a girlfriend is much more about being the right sort of guy over discovering what tricks you can learn to get her attention. Be honest. Be yourself. Listen. Be creative. And don’t push the issue.
You may have a new girlfriend sooner than you think.
Mom
