Dear Mom,
Since I started school a year ago I have been steadily gaining weight. This is embarrassing to me and to my boyfriend. Yes, he’s still with me but I’m constantly getting subtle remarks from him about needing to lose weight and it makes me angry. Isn’t school hard enough without his jabs? Anyway, I don’t want to lose him and I want to lose some weight. Any suggestions on how to lose it?
Sincerely,
Getting fatter
Dear Friend,
Gaining weight is easy to do, especially when you’re in college and survive on quick meals from the vending machine and fast-food restaurants. There is a lot of sitting involved in going to college too-sitting in class, sitting to do homework, sitting in-between class to relax before the next class. Even if you feel you are eating pretty well, there is always the stress involved in attending college and you may be eating more to compensate for this stress.
Perhaps I’m reading you wrong here, but you seem to be willing to take your boyfriends “jabs” just to keep him. Have you considered if he’s worth keeping?
I’m serious. Here you are, struggling with weight, and all he can do is give you subtle remarks about losing it. Where’s the support? The, “I love you no matter what?” Where is that unconditional sort of spark that keeps a relationship going?
If you want to lose weight, then do it, but don’t do it for him. Do it because it’s the right thing for you. Ask him for his support. Sometimes we have to tell the guy we love what we want to hear from them. I know, I know, it feels better when they think of it themselves, but we need to take care of ourselves and let our man know what we expect from the relationship. Don’t be afraid of losing him because you have gained a few pounds-think about what is good about your relationship and allow the relationship to take its course. If he truly loves you and the relationship is an emotionally healthy one, he won’t leave you. If he does, you are better off.
Truly.
A relationship built on physical attraction alone will never stand the test of time. My husband and I have been married for 30 years. Do we look the same as when we first got together? Hardly. But we are still together.
As for losing weight, if you truly want to do it-for you-then do it. Get enough sleep. Eat balanced meals. Get some exercise. Lay off the junk food. Whatever you do, realize that you are more than your current weight. Why do you want to lose weight? If it’s to feel better about yourself, to be more healthy, to look better, that’s one thing; if it’s to keep someone by your side who wants you the way you were when you first met, you just might want to think again.
Mom
