Dear Mom,
I’ve mostly been in relationships most of my young adult life. But now I’m in my mid-twenties and back in the dating scene. It’s been hard for me to just date casually. I keep trying to tell myself that I should focus on school and not get serious with anybody but I have a hard time keeping my emotions in check. I’m falling for someone who really isn’t returning my sentiments. I see all my friends settling down and having children, and I feel like the clock is ticking. I need someone older and wiser to tell me how to navigate the dating field in my college years.
Sincerely,
In a dating dilemma
Dear Dater,
I’m going to share something with you that I learned the hard way. When I was looking for a man to marry, I never found him. When I went about enjoying my life as it was, he came to me.
The truth of the matter is, finding someone to marry because you believe your “clock is ticking” is never the answer to marriage.
Besides, what do you want? Do you want to get married while you’re in college? If the answer is yes, great, but don’t do it because you feel pressure from your friends-even if they never say anything directly. Marry because it’s the right time and the right guy, never because everyone else seems to be marrying.
Another truth; not everyone is marrying like you think, and those who are may be marrying for the wrong reason. The fact that the guy you are dating isn’t “returning your sentiments,” makes me wonder why you continue to date him if you know he isn’t as interested in you as you are in him.
I don’t know what it is about us women-we think we can somehow keep a relationship growing when the man obviously isn’t interested enough in us to grow one. We think we can change his mind, somehow get him to like us more or respect us more or love us more, if we only did this, and this and this. Besides, if we don’t let him go, what if we don’t find someone else?
Stop. Move on, but continue to date. Dating shouldn’t be reserved on a shelf when you feel your life is less busy or fits into your college schedule. Date now. Date casually, date seriously, but have fun. Enjoy where you are in life over dreaming about what may or may not happen in the future. If the man of your dreams comes into your life while you’re attending college, then great. I know many married couples that go to school and keep their marriage burning. If you don’t meet anyone while in college, count yourself lucky for being able to finish your schooling without having to put a lot of time and attention into a budding marriage.
Don’t worry. Whatever happens, whenever it happens, I have no doubt that marriage will happen in the right time for you.
