Dear Mom,
My mom runs my life. When I started college a year ago, I thought she’d back off a bit and give me breathing space, but this hasn’t happened. When I’m at home, she’s constantly asking me questions about school, about work, about why my room isn’t as clean as she’d like. When I’m at school she is constantly calling to check up on me. I made the mistake once of crying about one of my classes and now she is always asking me how I am doing in that particular class.
I need a break. Help!
Smothered
Dear Smothered,
Wow, your mom must sure love you. She cares about you and wants to know how your life if going. I think that’s great to some degree. What I worry about is her unwillingness to let you grow up. Moms who smother are really having a difficult time letting go and it sounds as if your mom is having trouble letting go of you.
Imagine if you moved out.
My suggestion is to sit down and have a heart to heart. Explain your feelings to your mom and set up some boundaries when it comes to how often she can call you at school and how much time you will devote to her questions. I think a once a week talk would do the trick. Sit down for a few minutes and tell your mom about your week. Tell her you need more of her support and less of her worries. Ask her for help when you need it. In a nutshell, keep her in the picture without making her the main focus.
As for your room, you are living in her home, and she expects you to clean it. Until you move out make sure you are following through with this dastardly task. This may mean talking to your mom about her bedroom standards; what specific things she expects to be cleaned. It may mean spending extra time on it when you’d rather be doing something else. But cleaning it to her satisfaction will actually help you regain some of the breathing space in your life that has dwindled. If nothing else, she will be off your back when it comes to that.
Mom
