Dear Dick,
You suck. I mean, really, is it possible for you to be so cruel?
Take it, just take it all. Buy the whole store if you feel you must. But just know that no matter how many T.V.s you take, no matter how many elegant toys you throw in your cart, please know that deal of a printer is mine. You cannot take it from me. It’s the only thing I really had on my mind to get.
Furthermore, Dick, I think you are missing the concept of “the line.” Let me explain it to you. Customers enter the store and are free to look about and take things they wish to buy. Once they feel they are satisfied with their items of purchase, they then take their place at the BACK OF THE LINE! Yes, you heard me, the BACK of the line.
The line is not for you join the moment you enter the store. It’s not a place for you to wait for the rest of your group to shop for multiple products, adding more and more items to your cart until your checkout takes 10 minutes to be done with. The line is not for you to cut into every time there is an opening, either. Just because the store is stocked with people does not mean I don’t notice you squeezing yourself in. Also, just so you know, the line does not consist of you joining in with your friends who just happen to be at the front of the line (just because you met them once at this pep rally does NOT give you right to share their earned place in line).
Geez, Dick, what made you think all of this was okay? You are the very reason angry customers do stupid things on Black Friday.
Oh, and let us not forget your infamous checkout. Take your time, even though there are over 50 people behind you. Please, take your time. We love to watch you helplessly move your insane amount of items onto the register. We love to watch you dig through your Mary Poppins purse in hopes of finding your wallet or some other source of payment. We even love to watch you flirt with the cashier, giving time to someone you don’t care about. But hey, it’s 2 o’clock in the morning, why not take a chance? It’s just lovely.
Sarcasm, Dick. You really think anyone would enjoy that? Especially after they’ve already been standing in line for an hour because of all the people just like you?
Take my advice, Dick. If there were less people like you, well, then the store would be half empty on Black Friday. All the good little boys and girls would get what they came for and not be stopped by you.
Merry Christmas, Dick.
Love,
Amber Midgley
