I’ve talked about Frankenstein at great length in the past. As such, there’s not much for me to say that I haven’t already said. Given that this film is also the usual mid-January occult action schlock we’ve come to expect, I’ve decided to conduct this review in limerick form below.
It opens with a narration,
A cliché long before this occasion.
While the two may not rhyme,
I haven’t the time,
Since the purpose of this is persuasion.
He’s the monster in name only,
For he isn’t quite as lonely.
He’s gritty and rough,
And oh so tough,
In boring battles against the unholy.
Heaven and Hell are once again fighting,
Lots of slashing, smashing, and biting.
“But wait,” says a gent.
“It’s totally different,
For its gargoyles and not angels in this writing!”
This film fears words like “dying,”
And boy, is this film trying!
But using words like “ascension,”
Takes away from the tension,
Despite what the words are implying.
Aaron Eckhart is a good actor,
But with this role the major detractor
Is that gritty and rough
Just isn’t his stuff.
Did producers not consider this factor?
The effects in this film needed polish.
They work, but they don’t really astonish.
Maybe in the past, but that doesn’t last
As the 3D is out to demolish.
As I near the end of this review,
There’s only one thing left to do.
I’ll give it a rating,
I know you’re all waiting,
So this review will end in haiku.
Best Viewed in two dimensions
For a 3 of 5.