Aries – Mar 21 – Apr 19 It might be time to be as quiet as a mouse, except that mice aren’t really quiet. You should be quieter than something that is quieter than a mouse.
Taurus – Apr 20 – May 20 Distant memories are buried in the past forever. Listen to the wind of change.
Gemini – May 21 – Jun 20 You might think you are the big cheese, but look around carefully. You might find that you are the rat in the trap.
Cancer – Jun 21 – July 22 If a scorpion needs to cross the river, tell him to find a ferry. Logic does not override someone’s nature.
Leo – July 23 – Aug 22 You may need to let someone help you with a thorny situation.
Virgo – Aug 23 – Sep 22 The shadow puppet watches all. You might know it as the NSA. It’s just a little south of here and living off breaks given to it by the Utah State government.
Libra – Sep 23 – Oct 22 There’s always something new to hoard: stamps, coins, comic books and even little button hooks. You never will get bored.
Scorpio – Oct 23 – Nov 21 You’re like a scorpion that is being ridden by a mouse in a red helmet. Buck up and show that mouse who’s boss.
Sagittarius – Nov 22 – Dec 21 You gotta dodge the mousetrap, so dance. Otherwise it will snap and grab you by the tail.
Capricorn – Dec 22 – Jan 19 When you’re in control, you dress up like a scorpion and act crazy. Go figure. Just call it a fashion event and no one will be the wiser.
Aquarius – Jan 20 – Feb 18 If you give a mouse a cookie, he’s going to want a glass of milk. If you give…you know what? You’re better off not starting the whole thing.
Pisces – Feb 19 – Mar 20 If you’d lie with scorpions, you need a taste for poison. It would be better to tell the truth.
Horrorscope is a parody meant for entertainment only proving that the universe doesn’t revolve around you. “The Globe” denies any resemblance to anything living, dead or undead. It’s always the littlest ones that are the most dangerous.