Horrorscope’s Run

By Shad Engkilterra • Published August 22, 2013 • Filed under Arts and Entertainment • 0 Comments

Please note: This archived article is provided for personal use only, and the information contained in this article may be out of date.

Aries: Mar 21 – Apr 19. Life must end at 30 unless reborn in the fiery ritual of carrousel. Enter the carrousel. This is the time of renewal.

Taurus: Apr 20 – May 20. You will begin assignment by becoming a runner seeking sanctuary. By the end of assignment, you will find that you have a passing grade.

Gemini: May 21 – Jun 20. You will take the object ankh with you for identification. It is the Egyptian symbol for life and will open a door that you didn’t know existed.

Cancer: Jun 21 – July 22. They say that people used to breed animals, fish, anything to eat, you know. That was before genetic engineering and veganism. It must have been a savage world.

Leo: July 23 – Aug 22. Try like hell for renewal. You have the same chance as everyone else. Be strong, and you will be renewed.

Virgo: Aug 23 – Sep 22. So, people stay together for this feeling of love? Oh, that’s silly. What’s the reason for that?

Libra: Sep 23 – Oct 22. You won’t be able to tell anyone anything. They won’t listen. Things don’t change. This isn’t the truth; this is a lie.

Scorpio: Oct 23 – Nov 21. The life clocks have no power outside. Get away from the city. Enjoy the outdoors even if it is frightening.

Sagittarius: Nov 22 – Dec 21. For this one, there’s no waiting for scar burnishing. Instant healing before you feel a thing.

Capricorn: Dec 22 – Jan 19. The way is always down. You must follow the tunnel to the end. Run, runner!

Aquarius: Jan 20 – Feb 18. We must help anyone who asks. We must, or we’re the same as they are – deciding who lives and who dies.

Pisces: Feb 19 – Mar 20. Nothing sadder than a dead fish, except maybe a weeping willow though that is based on appearances, and appearances can be deceiving.

Horrorscope is a parody meant for entertainment only and to prove that the world does not revolve around you. “The Globe” denies any resemblance to anything living or dead. RENEW! RENEW! RENEW!