Every time you go into a barroom, the devil goes in with you. Just make sure he buys his own drink.
Scorpio – Oct 23 – Nov 21
When you’re a team, there’s a lot of worrying about each other. Taking the time to form that relationship is difficult. Oh, you can win, and you can lose, but the excitement of the new makes it almost worth the heartache of that which is cast asunder.
Sagittarius – Nov 22 – Dec 21
When you look at that test question, you know that the answer couldn’t be that easy. It couldn’t be that because every little school boy knows that. Just sit on the stool and answer it that way. Apples just might be three for a nickel in this context.
Capricorn – Dec 22 – Jan 19
You like to be the life of the party, but you have responsibilities to take care of. Tell the joke, and then go inside and clean the other room. You will get to leave the situation with a laugh, and you will get your responsibilities taken care of.
Aquarius – Jan 20 – Feb 18
When your friend comes up with an idea seemingly out of left field, you do not need to ask why. You already know the answer.
Pisces – Feb 19 – Mar 20
If you find yourself thinking, “Shhh. Wait a minute. When do we laugh at this thing?” you might be in the wrong place. Check out the event to make sure that you are where you are supposed to be before you randomly burst out with laughter. Crashing a funeral is a bad idea.
Aries – Mar 21 – Apr 19
It may seem like they rush you here, they rush you there, they rush you everywhere, and when it is time to get out, everybody takes their time. It will be the most difficult thing you have done all week, but take a deep breath and let it go, just for the day.
Taurus – Apr 20 – May 20
If you fall down, make sure you look to the left if you have time. That is a sight you will never see again.
Gemini – May 21 – Jun 20
Your tooth hurts, and you are not sure what to do. Just remember that dog ain’t no dentist. Keep some sunscreen on even if you have the kind of skin you can see through.
Cancer – Jun 21 – July 22
When going on stage in a talent show, it doesn’t matter who’s on first; the only things that matter are who has the most talent and who has practiced the most. Without both, you’re just a prospect who may never make the big leagues. Do the work, use your talents.
Leo – July 23 – Aug 22
If you are going some place where there is a double bill, be sure to ask what’s on second. You may find that you don’t want to stay for that performance, which should be fine with everyone involved, especially if you have made reservations at a nice restaurant.
Virgo – Aug 23 – Sep 22
What does it all mean? I don’t know. Third base isn’t quite home. If one of your friends can come up with a rib-eye and invite you to share, take them up on the offer. Forget being vegetarian for the day.
Horrorscope consults the stars to prove that the universe does not revolve around you. “The Globe” denies any resemblance to anything living or dead and states herewith that Horrorscope is a parody meant for entertainment only. See Horrorscope at globeslcc.com every Wednesday at 10:48 a.m.